I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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