Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
