So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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