the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
