ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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