that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
there is puke in my bra ... again
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
