I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
There's always time for handjobs
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize