I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
