i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
