It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
