So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
