my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
