The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
