I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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