Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
