ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
