omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
