whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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