oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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