My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
