We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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