the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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