i'm signing you up for texting rehab
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
