My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
