My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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