this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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