I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
