You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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