I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
accomplished twins. life is a go
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
