a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I love having hate sex.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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