Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
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the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
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I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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