I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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