I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
