my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
