and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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