I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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