Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
