If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
