what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
