Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
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Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
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I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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