i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
