"it" just moved
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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