God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
