she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
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Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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