I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
