I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
