youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
