I'm going to jail i love you
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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