I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
