I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
