I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
