If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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