Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
