as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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