He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
