Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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