i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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