he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
