Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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