Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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