Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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