Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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