I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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