i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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