you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
