i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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