Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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