white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
