Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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