She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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