Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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