Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize
