Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
