Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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