AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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