I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
