No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
