all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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