He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
