the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
